Victoria Beckham

This just made my day.

Y'see, I love little numbers like this because it means I will be able to use many, many, many tags. Those boots will certainly get a few, as will her tan, hair, make-up, and her dress, of course. In fact, don't even pay attention to the post. Just go straight to the tags.

AHHHHH, STUPID RULES WON'T LET ME HAVE OVER 200 CHARACTERS FOR TAGS. Alright, just know that the orignial length of tags was MUCH longer.

Lady Gaga

Dear Lady Gaga,

Please remember that inappropriate Victoria Secret bras, lace masks, and trash bags are not part of the public-outing clothing domain the next time you are releashed from your cage. Thank you.

Ashanti

So I just don’t get why women find it OKAY to wear feathers as dresses. Observe:

A skirt made of fashionable ostrich feathers? Or a catastrophe that makes the raven really wish he could peck at this until it fell to pieces and shout repeatedly at Ashanti “NEVERMORE.”?

Face-off: Diane Kurger vs. Angelina Jolie

Alright, so we have it: the Kruger vs. the Jolie. Observe:


Angelina Jolie in tight leather. Um, isn’t that enough to let her win, hands down? Unfortunately not. Yes, the dress is tight and fitting and leather, but let’s face it, it’s a little dull. On the bright side, her fabulous hair and shoes compensate for it. And she’s Angelina Jolie and she’s awesome. Moving on, into the other corner:

Well, I must say Kruger, I am deeply impressed. And concerned. As supremely awesomely sparkly and texture-y her dress is, that is one backline that worries me. I am almost CERTAIN nothing will be hidden when she sits down or bends over in that dress, as pretty as her back is. But I think I’m willing to overlook that because of how much her dress makes me want to do the disco. Although it does sort of remind me of the sparkly fringe used as padding in Easter egg baskets. But she’s the Kruger, and the Kruger can make ANYTHING work, even Easter egg trimming.

Ladies and gents, I think the battle goes to Kruger.

Katy Perry

What is this? A jumpsuit, made of SATIN, in bright bright bright blue, with wallpaper flowers? Katy Perry?! What are you, auditioning for The Genie of Honolulu?! ARE YOU BLIND?! ARE YOU NOT AWARE OF HOW ATROCIOUS THIS IS?

Oh, haha, wait. This is Katy Perry. She always does things like this. Sighhhhh. I really need to get used to this.

Rachel McAdams

Oh, Rachel:


I believe there are some truly beautiful people in the world (this is all going for looks wise, mind you) and I think Rachel McAdams is one of them. I mean, dude. She's just gorgeous. Hey, silence the disagreement that's about to exit your opening jaw and don't you dare try and contradict me; you know it, and I know it, and so does everyone else who saw The Notebook. She is just too PRETTY. So it really pains me to see her like this.

I mean, I saw the Sherlock Holmes trailer today as I watched Harry Potter for the second time with my sister and I liked it. I think she looks great and pretty in it (I also might add that I think Jude Law looks insanely hot in it). In fact, she usually look great and pretty in general. And I don’t even have a huge problem with this ensemble. No; her shirt -- though a bit lose, I’ll say – is, um, interesting, she can carry off the skinny pants, and her shoes are COVET. But I just get the feeling you didn’t even try. Her hair is a frightly mess. That’s right, I just made up that word. But really. I can’t believe she would do this to not only me, but herself. PLEASE RACHEL MCADAMS -- YOU’RE SO PRETTY. PLEASE, DO US ALL A FAVOR IN THIS WORLD AND JUST SHOW IT OFF. I NEEEEEEEEEED YOUR PRETTINESS!!!

Anna Paquin

You know Anna Paquin, I think I quite like this. No; I really like this. Even though this dress is obviously Asian-inspired, you don’t look at all like you’re about to hand me a fortune cookie that probably says something sucky like ‘Today is tomorrow’s yesterday.’ (Off note, my sister actually got a fortune cookie that said ‘You will find your fortune in another cookie.’ How pathetic is that?). You look slinky and hot and elegant and professional. Very, very good job.

Demi Lavato

Alright, this is officially the most worn dress of the ages. Rihanna, it looked cool on. Paris, it was okay on. But Demi Lavato? What is she, twelve? No! She should not be wearing dresses that 20-something year olds are wearing! Don’t turn into Miley Cyrus! You’re actually semi-adorable on that tv show of yours, Sonny With A…Luck? Fortune? Ahh, whatever it is. GAH! And look at the shoes she’s wearing! Those are like, the official hooker shoes of the ages! Why?! How?! Demi, why can’t you be more like (can’t believe I’m saying this) Selena for once, and just pretend you’re a pretty little princess with magical ponies? The name of your movie has the word ‘princess’ in it. So why can’t you dress more like one instead of…this?

Jessica Simpson

Jessica. I know you haven’t been doing so well with music lately, and that everyone thinks you’re fat. I disagree – I think we should embrace womanly curves, not tabloid and scrutinize them – but that’s beside the point. The point is, just because there’s some ill news about you doesn’t mean you have to try to grab more attention by wearing little snafus like this:

I mean, there is just so much wrong with this, the biggest being that you’re wearing no pants when that is obviously a shirt to be worn with pants. Honey. You vag is this close to freedom. It’s gonna fight and rebel for a revolution. Another problem are those shoes. I don’t mind crazy-high platforms (I actually quite enjoy a few), but I think they should only be worn by those who have the natural ability never ever ever fall down in them. Like Victoria Beckham. But she’s an alien. So, she doesn’t even really count. I’m just so scared you’re going to trip in those babies and your tunic/shirt/not-dress is going to fly up and expose everything. Please Jessica; let’s try to cover it up, shall we?

Victoria Beckham

Ahh, I was beginning to wonder where she’d gotten to. Thankfully, she hasn’t changed. I see her hair is still freakishly short, her boobs are still popping out at abnormal angles with nipples and all, and she's still wearing shoes that are probably as tall as my grandmother. Thank you Beckham, I think that’s all.