Jessica Simpson

Jessica. I know you haven’t been doing so well with music lately, and that everyone thinks you’re fat. I disagree – I think we should embrace womanly curves, not tabloid and scrutinize them – but that’s beside the point. The point is, just because there’s some ill news about you doesn’t mean you have to try to grab more attention by wearing little snafus like this:

I mean, there is just so much wrong with this, the biggest being that you’re wearing no pants when that is obviously a shirt to be worn with pants. Honey. You vag is this close to freedom. It’s gonna fight and rebel for a revolution. Another problem are those shoes. I don’t mind crazy-high platforms (I actually quite enjoy a few), but I think they should only be worn by those who have the natural ability never ever ever fall down in them. Like Victoria Beckham. But she’s an alien. So, she doesn’t even really count. I’m just so scared you’re going to trip in those babies and your tunic/shirt/not-dress is going to fly up and expose everything. Please Jessica; let’s try to cover it up, shall we?