Lady Gaga

Dear Lady Gaga,

Please remember that inappropriate Victoria Secret bras, lace masks, and trash bags are not part of the public-outing clothing domain the next time you are releashed from your cage. Thank you.

Megan Fox

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Megan. We were doing so well. And now you have to go and do this?!?! No!!!! This is NOT okay!!! This goes beyond Lisa Rinna crotchiness. This is just bad. Bad, bad , bad, bad, bad. At any second, there could be an updraft of wind and guess what? You’re left defenseless. The paparazzi would not only get a nice shot of your crotch for a good three seconds, but of your buttocks as well because that slit may as well be hovering over your crack. I don’t even care about the fact that your nipples are showing (for now); this slit problem is just too much. You know what? Fine! I try to help you, you’re doing fine, everyone thinks you look hot, and then BOOM! Instant and epic failure. I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re happy, because you won’t be receiving MY help anymore! So Megan, I have only one last thing to say to you: Goodbye, and good riddance!

P.S. But of course, if you ever feel like calling me for some advice and beg for forgiveness, I’d be glad to help you. Or if you even if you just want to talk about how you get your legs so fit and nice and give me a few hints.
Now really, goodbye!

Victoria Beckham

Ahh, I was beginning to wonder where she’d gotten to. Thankfully, she hasn’t changed. I see her hair is still freakishly short, her boobs are still popping out at abnormal angles with nipples and all, and she's still wearing shoes that are probably as tall as my grandmother. Thank you Beckham, I think that’s all.

Heather Graham

Ooooh. Heather. This is just NOT flattering at all. Not only are your nipples completely unhidden (hello, girls! It’s called a bra! You can get them at your nearest Walmart!), but this is loose and tight in all the wrong places. For instance: that area in the stomach area? Yeah, that should be tighter. But that one around the crotch bone? That should be looser. We don’t want an outline of your baby maker. Please keep it hidden for the kids’ sakes.