Megan Fox

Alright, so let's not try to deny it:

Megan Fox is looking pretty foxy here. That dress is actually not too bad (almost...cute???) and she looks nice. But really, how can anyone focus on Megan outside of Jennifer's Body? You can ONLY talk about Megan in that movie now, no one talks about her REAL life anymore. I can't tell you how many of my friends (all guys) are super-duper excited to see this movie. Wanna know why? Only for two reasons:

Megan Fox cannibalism and lesbian kiss.

Really, you can't blame them It's pretty much impossible to not like Megan Fox if you're of the male species. It's like, in their BLOOD to find Megan Fox the hottest babe ever to roam the galaxy. So, Megan, I will give you this -- yes, you look good here; but don't be expecting to impress many guys with it; they're all too busy watching the Jennifer's Body trailer for the 1,678th time.

Julianne Moore

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!

JULIANNEJULIANNEJULIANNEJULIANNEJULIANNEMOOOOOOORE.

Excuse me, I must rejoice for this. She's talented, she's gorgeous, she's a redhead, and she looks reeeeeeeeeeeeally nice here and I love her so so so much and I wish she would just be in every single movie I watch so I could actually bear and tolerate movies like Transformers 2: Revenge of Stupidity and I wish she would finally win a DAMN OSCAR and I loooooooooooooooooooove her.

If I were Shiva I would have four thumbs up, but alas I only have two.

Blake Lively vs. Kelly Ripa

Two dresses, two events, two lovely ladies (one gorgeously unfairly pretty, the other with biceps to rival Rocky's), one designer. Observe: we have the fair Blake Lively against the chipper and...muscular Kelly Ripa. Designer? Victoria Beckham -- yes, the same one who strides around town in galavanting steps and wears high heels as tall as my abdomen. Apparently, she makes dresses designed to sculpt and curve the body well. Very well. As in, can't-breathe-in-it-without-an-oxygen-mask well. But! they're not too shabby. But enough yammering; onto the good stuff!

Contestant #1:



Um. Blake Lively, can I marry you? No, seriously. This is hotter than a sunny, cloudless day in the middle of the Sahara desert with no water to quench one's parched lips and an impending heat stroke and you're dying and crawling and begging for some liquid to drink but there is none and you die and shrivel up in the scalding sun. Please, have my babies.

Contestant #2:

So, I know it might seem impossible to compare with Blake in this case, but Kelly is doing the best she can. The dress is fine and shiny and purple and not boring. Her hair is glossy. Her skin is nice and glowy. Her biceps are definitely not in the need of improvement. But, unfortunately, I believe this battle was already won as soon as Blake stepped out onto the floor.

Diane Kruger

So first off, let me say the Kruger was totally ADORABLE in this interview with Letterman. Secondly, I’d like it to be put in notion that Diane looks strangely nice here:

It’s Chanel, so obviously that makes me a little biased towards it. But come on. Those sleeves are a sexy take on keeping your arms warm (although…I’m a bit hesitant on why the backside is black. Was Karl unable to make up his mind, or did he simply figure he’d do something crazy and Kruger would not question him and go along with it?), that little belt is so cute and probably worth millions of dollars in crystals, the mirrored shoulder pads are a little confusing to me but I’m always for creative ideas, and she just looks SO CUTE. Please, NEVER GO AWAY. Even though the Inglourious Basterds press tour is over, please just stay and look cute forever. Thank you.

Face-off: Diane Kurger vs. Angelina Jolie

Alright, so we have it: the Kruger vs. the Jolie. Observe:


Angelina Jolie in tight leather. Um, isn’t that enough to let her win, hands down? Unfortunately not. Yes, the dress is tight and fitting and leather, but let’s face it, it’s a little dull. On the bright side, her fabulous hair and shoes compensate for it. And she’s Angelina Jolie and she’s awesome. Moving on, into the other corner:

Well, I must say Kruger, I am deeply impressed. And concerned. As supremely awesomely sparkly and texture-y her dress is, that is one backline that worries me. I am almost CERTAIN nothing will be hidden when she sits down or bends over in that dress, as pretty as her back is. But I think I’m willing to overlook that because of how much her dress makes me want to do the disco. Although it does sort of remind me of the sparkly fringe used as padding in Easter egg baskets. But she’s the Kruger, and the Kruger can make ANYTHING work, even Easter egg trimming.

Ladies and gents, I think the battle goes to Kruger.

Sienna Miller

So thank god, Sienna Miller looks totally gorgeous again:

Her G.I. Joe tour has not been particularly fashion savvy (not bad, but I know she can do better), and this just makes me heave a huge sigh of relief: SIGHHHHHH. The dress is not very resplendent, actually; but just the fact that her make-up doesn’t make her look like a Pop Tart and her hair is nice and shiny again and her dress is perfectly fine makes me happy. So, well done Sienna.

Kendra Wilkinson

Well, HOT DAMN!

This girl next door cleans up very nicely, doesn’t she? Maybe she’s serious about quitting her career as a playboy bunny! Actually, I’m not even sure if she’s quitting. But damn, I won’t deny that she looks good here. I really like this dress (for her), she looks clean and put together, her hair is elegant and nice, and her make-up is nice and natural! Yay! If Kendra can do it, so can Audrina! Right? Right?!

Anna Paquin

You know Anna Paquin, I think I quite like this. No; I really like this. Even though this dress is obviously Asian-inspired, you don’t look at all like you’re about to hand me a fortune cookie that probably says something sucky like ‘Today is tomorrow’s yesterday.’ (Off note, my sister actually got a fortune cookie that said ‘You will find your fortune in another cookie.’ How pathetic is that?). You look slinky and hot and elegant and professional. Very, very good job.

Anna Faris

Anna Faris, you are officially adorable. Please, stay like this forever, okey dokey?

Emma Watson

See, this is what awkward teenagers in the biz should be wearing nowadays. Yes, I realize Emma is nowhere near being anything remotely awkward and she’s almost not a teen anymore, but this is the perfect example of cuteness. She just looks so cute here, as all reigning Disney princesses should. Her hair is not five inches away from her head but still neatly styled, her dress is nice and girly and cute without being too revealing or too mature, her bag adds a hint of playfulness, and altogether this doesn’t make me want to pull my hair out with desperation and instead makes me want to grovel at her feet and throw rose petals before her. If Miley and Demi and Selena and Dakota could all take note, I think we’d all be in much better shape.

Megan Fox

So this isn't bad:

Yes, it’s a lot a dark colors, but she looks hot and sexy without being skanky and trashy. And let it be known that I watched this interview, and she actually behaved herself very well. The only outbreak I remember was when she confessed to Lettermen she’s had a crush on him, Conan, and Leno since the mere age of three. But Megan will be Megan. So apart from that and her posing and staring coyly and provocatively (or as my dear sister put it, ‘Doesn’t she look kinda evil and devil-like?’), she was actually…charming, I thought. It was just too bad; she was only for like, 30 seconds because infamous Johnny Depp (my husband) was on for practically the entire show. But then again, I’m not complaining. And even though this post is supposed to be about Megan, lemme say this: he looked very good.

Blake Lively

Oh my god.

I think I just heard the hallelujah choir strike up. Blake Lively. You look hot. I mean, you’re just a naturally hot person, but that’s just it. For once, you’re not posing awkwardly, dressed badly, or badly done up in the hair and make-up categories. You look GOOOOOOOD. Honestly, this is the best I’ve seen you in a long time, and this is so good it makes up for ALL the mishaps.
Lively, it’s good to have you back.

Evan Rachel Wood

AHAHAHAHA YESSS!!! EVAN RACHEL WOOD LOOKS GORGEOUS HERE YOU GUYS!!! I THINK I’M GONNA CRY FROM JOY!!!


THAT'S THE SAME HAIR COLOR NICOLE KIDMAN HAD IN MOULIN ROUGE!!!! AHAHHA, YES!!! RED-HEADS SHALL RULE ONCE MORE!!!!!

Megan Fox

YAYYY!! This is also good! See, you can be incredibly sexy and hot and modest at the same time (still ignoring the hair)! I’m so proud of you! You’re going so far! I THINK I’M GONNA CRY.

Megan Fox

YAYYYY!!! SEE?!? This basically makes me want to jump off my bed (even though I know I won’t, since I’m so incredibly lazy) and leap for joy with my stuffed tea party animals sitting patiently on my desk. This is what happens when Megan Fox dresses nicely! (We’ll worry about her hair some other time). See, her dress covers all that needs to be covered in a nice, flattering way, she adds a cool belt, a charming and modest cardigan, sweet shoes, and a killer smile and she’s all good! See, I knew it could happen, I just knew it.

Amanda Seyfried

So uhh…I think I love this.

It’s just so adorable and right and appropriate for her. And, I just want to CHOP OFF ALL HER HAIR AND SHAVE MINE OFF AND SEW HERS ONTO MINE. Hmm. Wasn't I thinking about the same thing the other day, only about Chloe Sevingy’s legs? I’m just going to be a whole different person one day (literally), with Amanda’s hair, Chloe’s legs, Keira’s face, Jessica’s (Biel) boobs (or Angie’s or Salma’s; they’re all very nice), Hathaway’s eyes, Alba’s perky butt…I will be the perfect specimen. No one will surpass me in beauty! NO ONE! HAHAHA!!!! Oh right. Where was I? Oh, ahem, yes of course. Seyfried. Yes, well…hmmm, I guess I already said it. I really love this.

Eva Mendes

I think I rather like this.

Her dress is actually not architectural modern Calvin Klein gunk (alright, I’m sorry Calvin; you’re never gunk. I am merely irritated by the fact that she almost never wears anything but you) and her hair and make-up really bring out her natural beauty. But I’m gonna be completely honest with you here: my favorite part of this picture is Bradley Cooper staring groggily and sexily (is that even possible?!?!) into the camera. I mean, who isn’t excited for this movie?!?! I can’t WAIT for this movie. I’m gonna be there opening day, purse stuffed with snacks so I won’t have to pay for expensive theater food at hand, and sit down and watch and thoroughly enjoy this movie. I mean, first of all, Justin Bartha is in it. And I don’t know if you know, but I certainly know that I love him ever since he played Riley and National Treasure. Now you’re all nodding your heads and smiling and saying: ‘Ooooh, I know that guy!’ Uh huh. HE is my reason for going. No, that’s not true. The movie actually looks genuinely funny, but he’s also a main reason. And I just realized this post totally veered off course from Eva. Hehe. Sorry, Eva. You still look nice.

Zoe Saldana

I’m going to state this simply: I think this is quite divine.

Let’s start from the top and work our way down. Her hair is lovely and retro and not messy, like so many hairs (real word?) are nowadays. Her make-up is stunning. That is such a good color on her and brings out her wonderful complexion. That dress is form-fitting and pretty and not too elaborate. Those shoes are killer. Not COVET mind you, but killer. WHY CAN’T PEOPLE DRESS MORE LIKE THIS?!?!?! IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO DO?!?! Says the girl currently typing this in her Cabbage Patch Kids pajamas. GRRRR. SHUT UP.

Claire Danes

So I think I love this:

Now hear me out, because I know the most of you know I’m not a big fan of hers; first of all, I think the color is lovely, the dress is simple but has just enough flavor to keep it from being boring, and I think her hair looks really pretty; second of all, I just saw Romeo and Juliet again, and I’d forgotten how much I loved it. Claire Danes, I love you again. But only for a short time.

Rachel Weisz

Ahh, Rachel Weisz;

I’m so glad to see you’ve gone back to normal. I’m willing to forgive that Met Ball incident so long as you don’t bring it up. Because here, you just look STUNNING.