Olivia Palermo

I believe Oliva Palermo must be a big fan of the boarding school she went to:

Because CLEARLY she wouldn’t be wearing a bowtie, peter-pan collar, school stripes, and oxfords for fun. NO ONE wears bowties for fun except Playboy bunnies and Boo Boo Bear. Personally, I think the dress would be fine (ish) if worn WITHOUT the bowtie and was cinched with a belt. And if worn properly with heels. But who knows. Maybe Back-to-School wear is coming back nowadays, and I’m just lethargically dragging behind on trends. My September Issue of Vogue just came a few days ago and I finally have time to read it. Maybe it will ENLIGHTEN me on this trend. Maybe, I will be able to COMPREHEND the inspiration behind this. But honestly, I just CAN’T wrap my head around the fact that someone would WANT to go around looking like an eager young mind.

Katy Perry

Well,

At least we know that if we’re with Katy Perry, we’ll never have to waste money on a GPS.

Mena Suvari

Oh, Mena:

This is just a helluva lot going on at once. I mean, I could make multiple insults here. I could remark on how much you resemble a vampire who is not worthy of the glamour of True Blood; I could insist you look like that bedraggled and drugged pirate who has no idea what he’s doing in Pirates of the Caribbean and belongs in some Tim Burton movie instead; I could scoff at the fact you’re wearing leggings as a type of pant which they are NOT – but I won’t. Because I think this outfit just says every insult that needs to be said for itself.

Katy Perry

What is this? A jumpsuit, made of SATIN, in bright bright bright blue, with wallpaper flowers? Katy Perry?! What are you, auditioning for The Genie of Honolulu?! ARE YOU BLIND?! ARE YOU NOT AWARE OF HOW ATROCIOUS THIS IS?

Oh, haha, wait. This is Katy Perry. She always does things like this. Sighhhhh. I really need to get used to this.

Gwyneth Paltrow

“Hi. My name is Gwyneth Paltrow, and I’m an actress. You may have seen me in my Oscar winning performance in Shakespeare in Love. And now, because I’m all rich and famous and I have a sweet husband and I can give my kids weird-ass names and I have my very own blog and I’m rich and famous, I’m allowing myself to wear dresses that are crazy-tastic and bizarre and unflattering because I CAN. Yep, just like Obama can, yes I can. I’ve got smudges on my boobs and a slash on my shoulder, but who cares. I’m rich and famous and I named my daughter Apple. GO ME.”

Rosario Dawson

You know what? I’ve decided I don’t care that Rosaio’s dress looks like it was made by a secluded Indian tribe that eats nothing but bison and the elements of the universe somewhere in the mountains of Turkey. Because I just watched Men in Black 2 and remembered what a cutie-pie she is.

Heidi Klum

Now Heidi, I don’t know what this is, but I do know it’s not good:


First rule of clothe: polka dots and stripes? Usually not a good match. Especially when it involves stripes that resemble prison uniform and a polka-dotted shirt with oddly placed cut outs and sleeves that resemble a flying squirrels’. Unless you plan on jumping off a building to tackle the designer from 100 feet above to punish him for designing this for you. Then you’re excused.

Molly Sims

Hmm. Uhh. Well then. Uh- WOW. Sorry. I just-

I didn’t know anyone else could be more obsessed with Marilyn Monroe than Megan Fox.

Rihanna

Because everyone feels like going apeshit sometimes.

Victoria Beckham

Ahh, I was beginning to wonder where she’d gotten to. Thankfully, she hasn’t changed. I see her hair is still freakishly short, her boobs are still popping out at abnormal angles with nipples and all, and she's still wearing shoes that are probably as tall as my grandmother. Thank you Beckham, I think that’s all.

Fergie

OH GOD…WHAT IS THAT THING?!? HAS SPIDER MAN UNLEASHED HIS WEB POWERS ON POOR FERGIE?! IS A SPIDER NIBBLING A WAY THROUGH HER SCRUMPTIOUS BELLY?! IS SHE BEING PUT THROUGH SOME MEDIVAL TORTURE DEVICE?!?!

Oh, wait everybody – it’s just a belt.

Rumer Willis

Um.

Is it just me, or does it look like Rumer Willis’s dress is giving me the finger?