Megan Fox

Alright, so let's not try to deny it:

Megan Fox is looking pretty foxy here. That dress is actually not too bad (almost...cute???) and she looks nice. But really, how can anyone focus on Megan outside of Jennifer's Body? You can ONLY talk about Megan in that movie now, no one talks about her REAL life anymore. I can't tell you how many of my friends (all guys) are super-duper excited to see this movie. Wanna know why? Only for two reasons:

Megan Fox cannibalism and lesbian kiss.

Really, you can't blame them It's pretty much impossible to not like Megan Fox if you're of the male species. It's like, in their BLOOD to find Megan Fox the hottest babe ever to roam the galaxy. So, Megan, I will give you this -- yes, you look good here; but don't be expecting to impress many guys with it; they're all too busy watching the Jennifer's Body trailer for the 1,678th time.

Megan Fox

So this isn't bad:

Yes, it’s a lot a dark colors, but she looks hot and sexy without being skanky and trashy. And let it be known that I watched this interview, and she actually behaved herself very well. The only outbreak I remember was when she confessed to Lettermen she’s had a crush on him, Conan, and Leno since the mere age of three. But Megan will be Megan. So apart from that and her posing and staring coyly and provocatively (or as my dear sister put it, ‘Doesn’t she look kinda evil and devil-like?’), she was actually…charming, I thought. It was just too bad; she was only for like, 30 seconds because infamous Johnny Depp (my husband) was on for practically the entire show. But then again, I’m not complaining. And even though this post is supposed to be about Megan, lemme say this: he looked very good.

Megan Fox

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Megan. We were doing so well. And now you have to go and do this?!?! No!!!! This is NOT okay!!! This goes beyond Lisa Rinna crotchiness. This is just bad. Bad, bad , bad, bad, bad. At any second, there could be an updraft of wind and guess what? You’re left defenseless. The paparazzi would not only get a nice shot of your crotch for a good three seconds, but of your buttocks as well because that slit may as well be hovering over your crack. I don’t even care about the fact that your nipples are showing (for now); this slit problem is just too much. You know what? Fine! I try to help you, you’re doing fine, everyone thinks you look hot, and then BOOM! Instant and epic failure. I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re happy, because you won’t be receiving MY help anymore! So Megan, I have only one last thing to say to you: Goodbye, and good riddance!

P.S. But of course, if you ever feel like calling me for some advice and beg for forgiveness, I’d be glad to help you. Or if you even if you just want to talk about how you get your legs so fit and nice and give me a few hints.
Now really, goodbye!

Megan Fox

YAYYY!! This is also good! See, you can be incredibly sexy and hot and modest at the same time (still ignoring the hair)! I’m so proud of you! You’re going so far! I THINK I’M GONNA CRY.

Megan Fox

YAYYYY!!! SEE?!? This basically makes me want to jump off my bed (even though I know I won’t, since I’m so incredibly lazy) and leap for joy with my stuffed tea party animals sitting patiently on my desk. This is what happens when Megan Fox dresses nicely! (We’ll worry about her hair some other time). See, her dress covers all that needs to be covered in a nice, flattering way, she adds a cool belt, a charming and modest cardigan, sweet shoes, and a killer smile and she’s all good! See, I knew it could happen, I just knew it.

Megan Fox

As if it couldn’t get any worse.

Listen to me Meghan, I beg of you; you are gorgeous. You have one of the prettiest faces I’ve ever seen and, even for coming from a woman, a smoking hot body. So why, why why why why why why why why do you go about presenting yourself like this? I actually like this dress very much, ignoring the Lisa Rinna-crotch problem. But just look at yourself in the mirror. No, all that make-up does not look good on you. No, your hair doesn’t look good that big and poufy. No, you most certainly do not want a tattoo sleeve of Marilyn Monroe faces along your arms. I don’t mind sleeves (I personally am not a fan, but I’m not going around with a pick axe commanding people not to do it or else they’ll feel the wrath of my little friend), but please, God please, NOT of Marilyn. That one is already enough. Why can’t you just hire yourself a nice stylist and clean up nice and elegantly? Angelina did it! I’m sure you can!

Megan Fox

Oh god.

Her hair really is getting bigger and bigger. Do I spy a new Winehouse in the making? Maybe she’ll start singing songs too. But instead of crooning ‘Rehab’, we’ll hear:
They tried to make me go to high school I say NO NO NO!
Yes, I’m not smart, my hair’s from Wal-Mart
NO NO NO
I ain’t got the time
And I’m obviously still very hot and sexy and stunning and gorgeous and beautiful and fine
They try to make me go to high school I say NO NO NO

Megan Fox

Okay, if there’s one person who really annoys me in Hollywood, it’s Megan Fox. I don’t understand how men can find her so attractive. Look at her! SHE’S SO TRASHY. If someone glanced at this picture, they’d think it was the lovechild of Amy Winehouse and Cher. HER FACE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS DONE BY A LONELY CLOWN. And her ridiculous obsession with Marilyn Monroe is getting on my nerves. That tattoo is glaring at me and mocking me, daring me to jump into that photo and rip it off and throw it down the gutter. You better watch it Marilyn. You better watch it.