Sienna Miller

So thank god, Sienna Miller looks totally gorgeous again:

Her G.I. Joe tour has not been particularly fashion savvy (not bad, but I know she can do better), and this just makes me heave a huge sigh of relief: SIGHHHHHH. The dress is not very resplendent, actually; but just the fact that her make-up doesn’t make her look like a Pop Tart and her hair is nice and shiny again and her dress is perfectly fine makes me happy. So, well done Sienna.

Sienna Miller

Hmmm.

There’s something charming about this. I think the dress is cute, in its own way. The multiple onion layers at the bottom of it confuse me a little, but I don’t think it would look any better without them. I don’t dig tights in summer (sooooo HOTTTT), but I feel as if it goes here. And I like those shoes. I really do. But do they go with the dress…? I’m not sure. I’m thinking I might pair it instead with something a more strappy, but maybe that’s just me being lazy and thinking how tiring tying up all those laces looks. I don’t know. It’s late. I just ate a whole bag of sour patch kids. Am I wrong for liking this? Tell me what you think.

Sienna Miller

Well, um.

Sienna, I get that you’re proud of your G.I. Joe movie and all that and you can now afford to buy crazy expensive things, but come on.

Really?

This, this…glitzy, glamorized, concoction of a thing, this is just too much. I mean…can I just say three words?

Bling. Cheetah. Spots.

Doesn’t that really explain it all? Or will you get angry with me because they’re actually giraffe spots? Sienna! This is not okay! I can’t tell where your pants end and your shoes start! This entire looks reminds me of Mickey Rooney on crack at a Flava’ Flav cranked out party. All that’s missing is the blue shades. Well, at least your director’s got happy thoughts about this:

Now we’ll just get even better promotion!

Sienna Miller

So I’ve finally figured out the secret behind these uber tight jeans that I had no clue anyone could fit into besides starving 90-pound waif models from Russia: they’re leggings. See? They’re just leggings made to look like pants. They stretch and allow all body sizes to fit in them and don’t require the use of butter and Swedish masseurs. Which leads us back to our old argument about leggings as pants. Except, is it okay when said leggings look exactly like pants? I’m actually having a hard to figure this one out. Tell me: do you guys think its okay to wear leggings as pants when said leggings look exactly like pants? Or is it just always non-acceptable?

Sienna Miller

SIENNA, WHY DO YOU CONSTANTLY AND STUBBORNLY INSIST ON WEARING ALL THIS MAKE-UP?! It makes me angry. You’re so naturally pretty; why hide it with all this stuff? The dress is nice and form-fitting; not enough to make me rant on and on about it, but not enough to make me hate it. It’s nice and boring and fitting, that’s all. Those shoes look to be about five sizes too big though. What did you do, break your old ones so then you had to stop at a rundown metro station and borrow some from your good friend transsexual Tim? Actually, that sounds very you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you had done that.

Sienna Miller

Well now.

I think I quite like this. Sienna has her shining smile on again (THANK GOD), to die for shoes again, and LOOK AT THOSE SHINING, GLEAMING LEGS. Very nice. As for the dress…I kinda like it. I like it. I do like it. Sure, it looks like there are electric shock waves going across her body or that she’s taking the scale of an earthquake in Japan, but it’s unique and interesting all the same. And so what if she’s wearing sleeves under more sleeves? It was probably cold. Nina, she was in L.A. Shut up, conscious. I’m sure there was a good reason for it. I mean, she’s Sienna Miller. She has a good reason for everything. What about her affair with- shut up!!! SHE’S SIENNA MILLER. LAY OFF.