Jennifer Hudson

So I'm a big Jennifer Hudson fan. When she debuted in Dreamgirls, I was going crazy for her and couldn't help but think: "DAAAAAAAAANG." She's talented (that doesn't even begin to describe it), she's big and beautiful, she's a proud mama, and she seems like the type of person I could bump into in the street when I'm having a bad day and she'll be all like "Come here and let mama give you a big hug!"
So, when seeing this:

I'm pained. Really, from knees up she looks FANTASTIC. I mean, this woman just gave birth to a baby and look how GREAT she looks. Her make-up is really nice I think, this dress isn't overly shiny and sparkly (you know I tend to hate over-sparkly), and, of course, you can't deny her lovely ladies are looking extremely nice and perky today. But, then our eyes scan down and find those wretched little boots. Quite frankly, I'm not sure why one would wear thigh high boots with a dress that already covers a lot. Show some leg! Let the men drool a little! Because Jennifer, I hate to say but those boots REEEEALLY make your little legs look like little chicken bones. They are tiiiiiiiny. That's not good. Here, I'll lend you some of my make-believe Louboutins to wear, and you can just repay my giving me another big mama hug.

Rachel McAdams

Ughhhh; Rachel, why do you DO this to me?!

This is not flattering at ALL. Your arms look a lot shorter than they should, your curves are unfortunately completely hidden by that potato sack, and it's not even CUTE. I mean, it's kinda alright when people where clothes that are unflattering but the actual idea is really cool, but this is just BAD. Whoever told you it was okay to wear Eric Bana's night shirt has it out for you. Please; but on a nice, cute dress and flouce around and smile with that pretty grin of yours. You can't DO this to me.

Mischa Barton

Alright, so I’m not denying it: I’m really lazy this evening so while I’m flipping through my stash of new celeb photos, I let most of them pass just because I’m too much of a lazy-ass to write anything about them. But when I saw this beauty, I knew I couldn’t let it slip away:

So, apparently Mischa Barton was attacked by the psyschopathic, black, evil, scary Spider-man on her way out of her apartment. Those web marks are SURE to leave an odd tan line from all the flashing bulbs the next morning. Although, why Spiderman would even waste time on making an already sure-fire flop even worse, I’m not sure.

Halle Berry

So apparently, Halle Berry forgot to put her shirt on this morning and resulted to having to cut holes in her trash bag for arms and a head:

Well, we all have those days, right?

Sigh.

You’re right. I can’t make excuses for this. This is just bad.

Gwyneth Paltrow

“Hi. My name is Gwyneth Paltrow, and I’m an actress. You may have seen me in my Oscar winning performance in Shakespeare in Love. And now, because I’m all rich and famous and I have a sweet husband and I can give my kids weird-ass names and I have my very own blog and I’m rich and famous, I’m allowing myself to wear dresses that are crazy-tastic and bizarre and unflattering because I CAN. Yep, just like Obama can, yes I can. I’ve got smudges on my boobs and a slash on my shoulder, but who cares. I’m rich and famous and I named my daughter Apple. GO ME.”

Lo Bosworth

So here are two trends I really hate: acid wash denim and all-the-way zip-ups.

And here comes Lo Bosworth, flaunting them both as clear as day right under my nose.
Wonderful.