Julianne Moore

Oh, Julianne:

And everything had been going so well. Julianne, you can't simply take your bed sheets and wrap them around yourself in a geisha-like toga like a kid in a ghost costume on Halloween. It just can't be done.

Taylor Momsen

YAWN.

That’s right, Li’l J. I just YAWNED at you. I’m getting BORED with you. Your craziness and so called ‘rebel-ness’ is just getting BORING. Mmhmm, I no longer find you a worthy subject anymore. Until you do something TRULY remarkable (such as going down the good path like Blake Lively or going down the bad path like Lady Gaga), I think I’m going to be yawning at you from now on.

Kate Beckinsale

YAWN. Booooriiiiing. If I could make a musical out of the word ‘boring,’ it would be inspired by this. How many times have we seen this look? Oh, about 10 gazillion times too many. Yes, you may look stunning, but it doesn’t hurt to look bad once in a while.

Whoa. Did I really just say that? It doesn’t hurt to look bad once in a while? See what you’ve caused me to do?! This is what happens when you dress like this! I’m going delusional!

Lauren Conrad

Wait…haven’t we seen this before?

Whoa. What is this LC? I just don’t get it. I’ve never liked you very much (I’m just putting it frankly), but really, what happened to those days at Teen Vogue? I mean, at least there you dressed nicely. You just look…nehhh. Your hair is in dire need of both a dye touch-up and BIG TIME trim, as well as your dress. Yeah, especially your dress that you probably have in twenty-something colors. I bet if Yao Ming lifted you up five feet off the ground, your skirt would still be dragging. See that purple stuff on the bottom? That’s from dragging it behind in the Grapefruit soda spill. Do us a favor; HEM IT.

Ooooooooolsen Twins

You know, I oddly love this:



Mary-Kate actually looks, dare I say it, relatively normal. She’s wearing a dress (I’m pretty sure at least, it’s very covered), I’m not sure what’s on it but never mind that, she’s wearing a jacket that isn’t too big for her, she’s carrying a something that actually looks like a bag, her shoes (although CRAZILY high) are nice, I guess, her hair looks normal for once, and I strangely don’t have a problem with those glasses and find them curiously adorable. It’s a tribute to John Lennon; who doesn’t love John Lennon? As for the other sister:

Well Ashley, I can actually say for once that I like your sister’s outfit better than yours.
Wait, I think the world just stopped turning.
Now that it’s back in motion and rotating like it should be, lemme just tell you why I don’t like this. 1. Oh my god, I just realized I don’t have enough reasons to start a list because you’re barely wearing anything but a stupid dress! Garrghhh!!! I wish I could find something, just one, itty bitty thing to complain about but I can’t because this is so boring!!! Sigh. Just…go. Leave. Go have fun with your boyfriend. I can’t…I can’t deal with this right now.

Emmy Rossum

Ignoring Monsieur Creeper-pants in the background,

Emmy Rossum, you’re here? Why are you even here?! What have you done lately, besides Dragon Ball Z which no one has even gone out to see? And why are you out looking so pretty but completely covered? Why did you choose such a boring color like grey? Why is your face so pretty? Why does it look like the bottom of your dress is one of those big wiping machines you see in car washes? Why are you so pretty? Why? Why?! WHY?!

Michelle Trachtenberg

YAWN.

I think I just fell into my huge puddle of sleeping drool. This is BORING. It’s like I just took some crazy-ass trip to boring land and took some boring pills while being injected with boring needles. Come on, Michelle. You can do better, I’ve seen it.