Michelle Trachtenberg

I just don’t get it. How do they do it? How?!

It is just not possible that she got into those pants all on her own! There must be an explanation! Are they painted on? Did she get help from a Swedish massager who buttered her up (not necessarily for the sake of the pants)? I guess I’ll never know. I guess I’ll never know the reasoning behind this outfit either. There are just a lot of different trends going on here. She’s on Gossip Girl overload; so many beautiful clothes, her brain is exploding with the possibilities of all of them and piling them all into one mast beastly outfit that does her no justice. Michelle, you just need to take a break; lose the jacket, it’s not too cold. Lose the purse, pick up a handbag. Lose the painted on pants, find some real ones. See? It’s not all that hard!

Michelle Trachtenberg

YAWN.

I think I just fell into my huge puddle of sleeping drool. This is BORING. It’s like I just took some crazy-ass trip to boring land and took some boring pills while being injected with boring needles. Come on, Michelle. You can do better, I’ve seen it.

Michelle Trachenburg (...did I spell that right?)

Dude.

Can we even qualify this as a dress? It’s like, the tank top I wear for going to the gym. Except with a lot more sparkles on it. Probably costs a lot more too. Come to think of it, that shirt probably costs more than my entire wardrobe. But really, why is it that celebs find it okay to leave their house in hoochie skirts and claim their tights pass of a pants? Let’s get it straight: pants do not equal tights, and tights do not equal pants. Understood?