Movie Review #1: G.I. Joe

Now because I love love love love love movies oh-so much, I've decided this blog will, in fact, incorporate movie reviews. By me. Yay! Okay, onto the review:



Ahem.



G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra (based after the action figurine, comic series, TV shows; you get the idea), is actually not as bad as I thought it would be. Let's say, on a scale of one to ten -- one being the lowest and ten being the highest -- I give it a 5.5. Now, that doesn't sound very good anyways, but trust me, this movie is much better than one would expect it to be. I didn't have very high expectations anyways, but that's besides the point.



'G.I. Joe' is not actually a person in this movie; it's a group. A secret government agency group, to be precise. Instead of standing for 'General Issues Joe,' in the movie it is an acronym for 'Global Integrated Joint Operated Entity' (whatever that means, the hell should I know). Now, I've never owned a G.I. Joe toy, comic book, or seen the cartoon, so I had no background information when going into the movie theater. I was a clean slate, a blank canvas. Of course, that doesn't mean I didn't have my expectations -- which were quite low, as I stated before. But, even if I still didn't favor it all too much, it proved my expectations wrong with all its kick-butt glory.



Duke (the ever-handsome and six-packed abs Channing Tatum) and his trusty pal Ripcord (Marlon Wayans -- yes, as in the Dance Flick and White Chicks Wayans), are foot soldiers of the U.S. Army, given the task of transporting a tip-top secret government weapon, nanomites (little robotic suckers in the form of bugs that eat their way through anything). They are intercepted, however, by an evil in the shape of Sienna Miller in tight leather and spandex and henchman toting energy blasting guns and gun-proof body suits. A supreme battles ensues (the first in the line of many more to come) between the two forces. But what's this? A third force coming in? It's G.I. Joe, come to save the day! Well, actually just to get those nanomite suckers. But they do save and rescue, and they do recruit the nanomites; but only after Duke and Ripcord are able to tag along back to their headquarters.



What's next is not hard to predict: Duke and Ripcord train and get inducted into G.I. Joe, Ripcord and the red-headed Scarlett (played nicely by Rachel Nichols) have a comedic yet 'cute' relationship, the bad guys do more evil stuff...the middle of the movie is definitely not it's highlight. I was never left bored, but that was only because of how much gun-blasting and explosions there was. Thankfully, the movie picks up again when a very action-filled (well...the whole movie is very action filled, but this particular part is superbly action-filled) sequence set in Paris rolls out. Picture this: a super-ninja jumping over cars, a car chase without a car (instead replaced with what I thought were SUPREMELY cool jumpsuit accelerators), Sienna Miller in more leather, and the Eiffel Tower exploding. Yes, the Eiffel Tower really does colapse. But unfortunately, this proved to be the entertainment climax of the film; the rest of the movie more or less just dwindles on a forever-long battle under the ice caps and ties up loose ends.



The acting was fine. Well, let me rephrase that: the actors did a good job with the script they were handed. Marlon Wayans' comedic quips brought my mood up a bit (especially as he shouted "BUST A CAP!"; I won't say where), but even his fast-paced bantering with Channing Tatum couldn't save the film. Channing Tatum provides yummy eye-candy. All right, fine; his acting was perfectly fine and dandy also. He made a persuavive Duke, although I still prefer to hear him with my eyes. Dennis Quaid has fun being a tough-guy general; a bit too harumph-ing and rough for me, but still likable. Christopher Eccleston (who plays leader of evil weapons manufacturing company, M.A.R.S.) makes a fine globe-dominator with his strong Scottish accent (which I loved, because I just love accents. No questions). Joseph Gorden-Levitt is a bit creepy as 'The Doctor,' a deformed and misshapen technician who is forced to talk in a deep, dark, electronic scary voice; like Darth Vader, but raspier and no where near as iconic. Even Brendan Fraser makes a cameo! And everyone knows how much I love Brendan Fraser!

It must be said though: the main -- in fact, one of the only -- reason why I went to see this movie was for Sienna Miller. I am, indeed, a Miller fan, and I was so so so so so so happy to find out she was doing a movie in my favorite genre, ACTION. And I was not disappointed by her. She played one kick-ass Baroness in that leather jumpsuit of hers, carrying with her a nifty gun that doesn't shoot bullets but rather...energy? Powerful light? They never really do explain; but trust me, it was pretty nifty. And, as the movie progresses, we learn Duke and the Baroness have a history together...one that I won't give away, but I will say was certainly happier times for both of them. But anyways, did Sienna Miller deliver? Oh yeah. Did the whole cast deliver: yes, for the most part they did. But did the rest of the movie? Well...sort of.

The script was a disappoint (as it is for many action/adventure wanabes). The plot was feasible and overflowing with action, but of course you wouldn't expect an action film made for entertainment to have Oscar-winning dialogue. So I'll excuse the screenwrites for that. At least it wasn't as bad as Transformers: Revenge of the bad dialogue and drawn out battle scenes. The direction was as good as any other Stephen Sommers movie is, drawing many references to the James Bond franchise since apparently this was the closest thing he would get to directing one. In a technical p.o.v., this movie is no Mummy, but passable by me.

Now, moving onto one of the other reasons I went to see this: the SPECIAL EFFECTS. Wow. Can I just say that action movies nowadays are bordering more towards animation than live action? I tell you, there are some shots in here that I just don't even want to KNOW how they did. If you like your movies to have tons of CGI in it, then you'll like this. You'd be happy to know more than half the film is just CGI and actors in front of a green screen or playing with toy guns that later transform into weapons of doom. I, however, don't mind a little special effects (I certainly do respect the effort put into it and the results), but when it takes up an entire movie such as this or Transformers, it just gets out of line. There were many cool shots in this movie (one especially that involves Miller blasting a roof under Tatum's feet), but my favorite parts of the film all happened at the live-action parts. Except for the Paris scene. That was just mind-blowingly awesome.

So, to wrap this already incredibly long review up: Oscar worthy? Of course not. Entertaining? Yes, if you like a lot of CGI, Channing Tatum, and don't mind loud noises frequently going off. Worth seeing a sequel? Me personally, no; but for those who liked the second Transformers, yes (and yes; there HAS to be a sequel because the ending is practically screaming for one). G.I. Joe delivers, but only as long as you don't mind two hours of explosions, green screens, and cheesy movie plots. And Sienna Miller.