Audrina Patridge. I’d hoped you had gone and died. THOUGHT! I mean, thought you had gone and died. Ahem. Awkward. Anyways. I must say, I kinda wish you’d keel over right now in front of me just so the ambulance and ER people will come and whisk you away and get that DREADED SATIN OUT OF SIGHT. AHHHHH, I SWEAR, IF I SEE SATIN ONE MORE TIME, I WILL JUMP OUT OF MY BEDROOM WINDOW THIS SECOND WEARING NOTHING BUT MY COTTON FRUIT OF THE LOOM UNDIES AND RAINBOW STRIPED KNEE SOCKS AND A BLANKIE TIED AROUND MY SHOULDERS, RUN MANICALLY DOWN THE STREET, DANCE THE HULA-HULA, AND SPRINT ALL THE WAY TO L.A. TO STRANGLE EVERYONE WHO OWNS SOMETHING SATIN IN THEIR CLOSET WHILST SCREAMING ‘SATAN OF SATIN, BE GONE OR THY DEVILISH SELF WILL BURN IN HELL!’ LIKE THE EXORCIST OF SATIN.
Well, now that I’ve written it down, that sounds a lot more amusing than I had hoped it would. BUT STILL. You get my point.
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