Taylor Swift

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH. TAYLOR SWIFT YOU FAIL. FAILFAILFAILFAILFAIL. Let’s check off our choices, shall we? 10 year olds, white, innocent, floaty and cutesy dress? Check. Signature wavy and never-changing locks? Check. Cowboy boots that make me want to puke and wish she would stop trying to make them into a trend when she’s failing exponentially and should just give up like any other normal person? Check. Oh lo, but what’s this? We have a new friend joining the gang. Headband, group. Group, headband. So what’s it like cutting off her circulation, resulting in her having more and more frequent headache and tattoo marks? I’m just a little upset that she’d stoop so low as to mimic Mischa Barton. She's better than that. Barely, but just a little.

Taylor Swift

Why is it that whenever Taylor Swift goes out she only seems to wear either summer dresses for five year olds or dresses that are drowned to death in sparkles and glitter and sequins? She just seems incapable of wearing…anything else. And why, oh why, is she trying to have a punk and rock and roll edge when she’s a country singer? OH GOD, you sing songs about boys and praying and first loves and how perfect your love life is, not your angst against the world or how you hate creamy white carrot cakes and unicorns and how the world is such a cruel, dark, sinister place. Live up to your role Taylor. Don’t be playin’ somebody else’s.

Taylor Swifty

Oh my.


It’s like every time I see her, I want to head butt the wall until my brain cells are completely gone. SHE’S WEARING A TEN YEAR OLD’S DRESS. Oh wait, she always does that. But aha! She’s also planning for everyone else to dress that way too. Why, you may ask? Well, zippedee-doo-da partner, here's your answer: she’s designing a special series of sundresses at Mudd for kids, to be sold at retailers and department stores world-wide! Well, what a splendid idea, Swifty! Because who wouldn't want to look like a a ten-year old all the time? Now, apparently, she's wearing one of them. Yeah, Taylor. Being your own endorsement deal? How original and clever.